Roy's Walrus Named Joe
by Surreal Realities
Summary: Ok so there's a mango, a bean sprout, annd Riza tangoing with a turtle... i think..... well anyways R&R! Thank you for pointing out my error TOOL2!


Ok so this is my…. Second? Actually it's my first published one…. Ok well the order really sucks but this is a fanfic I wrote because I was bored ok? Ok!! Enjoy! Oh and I own no such thing with the words Full, Metal or Alchemist in it!

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Roy sighed and looked at the pile of paperwork sitting in front of him. It had been there since last week but he still had no intention of doing it. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door. "Come in!" He said broadly, while trying to balance a pencil on his nose. Then Riza opened the door and walked in. Then she closed the door and walked past all the other desks and a green fuzzy walrus named Joe and stuff until she reached the colonel's desk which seemed much further away then she had remembered it. "Yes Lieutenant?" Roy asked, still concentrating on his pen.

"Why is your desk so far away?" She asked.

"Because I had to make room for my walrus!" He said, gesturing to Joe. Joe was picking his nose.

"Sir your paperwork." She reminded him for the fifth time that day.

"Ya I know" He replied boredly.

"You said that yesterday, and the day before and the day before and the day before and the day before and so on sir." She replied, she always had to end her sentences with sir... why? Do you know? Do you think I know? Well your stupid for thinking I know because I don't. Then she took a stack of the paperwork and ate it. That made Roy happy so he ate some too. This made them happy so they continued to eat the paperwork for the rest of the day. Then Hughes opened the door and walked in.

"Hello Roy!" He said in his happy tone "Why are you eating the paperwork I so generously put together for you?" He said, still happy. Roy looked up from the paperwork and glared at Hughes.

"So you're the one who is the cause of all this paperwork!!" Then Hughes decided it was time for him to wash his hands, then he decided he should go so he left. But Roy pressed a button and the door locked and turned into prison bars and Hughes was trapped! "WWAAAH!! LET ME OUT!" Hughes bawled "I NEED TO GET HOME TO SEE ELICIA!!!" He kept weeping on the floor and where his tears landed a beanstalk began to grow. Roy's eyes popped out and he stared on awe at the beanstalk.

"So that's where I dropped those magic beans!" Riza said, walking over to the beanstalk. Hughes was at the top of the beanstalk and he was still crying then he noticed a bean so he decided to eat it. Just then Pride walked in. I'm calling him pride because I don't know how to spell Fhurer... was that right? Anywhoo. He walked in which was unusual because he walked right through the bars of the door and into the office.

"Hello" He said with a smile. Riza saluted. Pride nodded. Roy watched. Hughes cried. The hippo burped. Then out of the corner of his eye Pride saw a mango sitting on Roy's desk. "Roy how dare you have a mango in your office!" He lectured then walked over to the mango and stared at it. The mango stared back. Roy gasped. How had he seen the mango? He thought he had hidden it quite well. Roy gasped and took the mango from Pride. Pride cried and then took the mango back then Roy took it then Pride took it then Roy took it then Pride took it.

"ENOUGH!" Shouted the mango. for it had had enough of this. so it got up and left which made them sad. The Pride remembered he was supposed to be watching his soufflé so he left. Riza took some beans off of the beanstalk and ate them. then they heard a thump CRASH! As a gerbil fell from the ceiling. But the gerbil was no ordinary gerbil for it had buck teeth and it was wearing a bow tie. It was also as tall as Breda was fat. The gerbil looked around.

"I say, where am I?" He asked in a German accent which sounded an awful lot like an english accent. Riza sighed, she was tired of standing around so she decided to go train a turtle named Frank to tango. Then Roy looked out the window and it was snowing which was unusual because it was raining a minute ago. He looked at the snow. "I do enjoy snow!" Said the gerbil which I now have decided to name Ugene. Roy looked at Ugene and frowned then the beanstalk fell over and killed them all. Except Riza who was tangoing with Frank.

THE END


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